I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize