You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
