Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
