I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
