I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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