worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
