You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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