I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
