well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
