Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
