this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
