boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
