when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
