She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my liver is dry heaving
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
