Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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