she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
