my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
