Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
