Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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