dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
