Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
