his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize