You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
