moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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