Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
