There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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