Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
