Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
