dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
