I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
