I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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