You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
