I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
