Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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