I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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