Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
