Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
