Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize