bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize