she looked like the bat from fern gully.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
