Don't make out with my wife yet
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
