I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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