I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
