She's JV to your varsity
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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