Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
