And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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