we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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