When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
