Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it hurts more in the daytime
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize