Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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