I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
