Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
