It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
