Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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