The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
