What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
