my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
