I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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