wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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