I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
