Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
