In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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