i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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