i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize