He asked to "fluff my boner.."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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