I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
